“Oh what is this? I came here for a pleasant holiday. For the very love. Last time I leave Italy, for reals.”
“LAUDATE DEUM. Kill us, pagan scum. Or we’ll kill you. Don’t make us do it.”
“Florentine clubs, oh yeah.”
Early Christianity seems to have been mainly occupied with a, making those all important theological breakthroughs, or whatever, and b, alienating themselves by just being weird and/or obnoxious. Or option c, setting stuff on fire, in the case of the Vandals.